Tuesday, October 21, 2014

So Which Elephant Do We Talk About First?

Thank God we're putting this blog out on the cloud; we need a pretty big space for all the elephants in the room. I guess I'll start with the one that is the most obvious: I'm fat. I'm not talking lose 10 pounds to get into that dress. I'm not talking lose 50 pounds to become healthier. I'm talking FAT. Like I need to lose a whole person fat.

How much do I weigh? Well, that's none of your damn business. Let's say I can fit in most chairs, and doorways aren't an issue (except when we visited a house built by Frank Lloyd Wright, and be believed in building doorways for people of small stature). I occasionally have issues with restaurant booths and turnstiles, and I haven't been on an amusement park ride in so long I can't even remember. BUT I still get around on my own, don't use a scooter in the grocery store, and am able to leave the house (physically, anyway--there are other reasons I can't, but that's another elephant).

My husband (yes, I have a husband and yes, I was fat when he married me) says I carry my weight well and I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. May every woman have a man as sweet as mine in her life. He's loving, encouraging, thoughtful, and never plays the "Food Police" when I lose it and go off my eating plan. I hate people who think they have to "help you" by reminding you "you're not supposed to have that."

Reminds me of when I was in kindergarten, and the school was having a bake sale. My mama had left a quarter for me to get something before she left for work and my Ma-Maw (her mama) put it in my pocket and said "It's enough to buy something yummy, honey." I was already chunky by then--the origins of the chunkiness will be another entry.

So Ma-Maw and I walked to school and I had my day of class. When it came time to go to the playground, the baked goods were all lined up on a table--cookies, brownies, and cupcakes baked in empty ice cream cones and frosted pink. Those cupcake "ice creams" were so pretty I had to have one. I pulled out my quarter and paid for it proudly.

Then I saw Mrs. McIntyre, my teacher, walking up to me, smiling sweetly, not a single brunette hair out of place. I decided before she reached me that I would give my "ice cream" cupcake to her.

Mrs. McIntyre put her hand on my shoulder, leaned down, and softly said, "Charlotte, do you really need to be eating that?"

I couldn't form the words to tell her that I was going to give the treat to her. My five-year-old heart didn't know how to explain that I looked up to her and loved her because until that moment, she was the only one in the whole school who had not seemed to notice I was fat. All I could do was stand there and hold back the tears.

She patted me and kept on walking. I turned and walked to the nearest trash can, and threw the cake away.

But I digress; if you stick around, you're going to find I do that a lot.

So here's the skinny (pun intended): I'm fat, have been since age 3, and I think I finally at age 49 found the way to lose weight and feel better--a Paleo eating plan. I was on it for a month and lost 22 pounds. I also had to take almost no insulin during that time. Then depression hit (Look! There's another elephant!) and I stopped eating paleo, so I gained all the weight back and screwed my sugars up. Now I'm back on track again with protein, eggs, vegetables, and fruits.

By the way, I welcome comments, but please don't throw stones. If you have the immature audacity to do some fat-bashing, it will just get deleted. If that's all you have to do with your time, you need a hobby.

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